I think it’s fitting that my first blog post (ever) is on Risk Aware Consensual Kink (also known as R.A.C.K.).
Many of you are probably familiar with “Safe, Sane, Consensual.” The thing is, that there’s always risk when it comes to BDSM. No matter how safe you think you are (or think you might want to be), whether you live the lifestyle like I do (24/7) or are a BDSM weekender…BDSM, kink, fetishes have some level of inherent risk…which means that nothing can truly be Safe, Sane, and Consensual.”
First, let’s address the elephant in the room: porn. isn’t. real. Full stop. I know sex workers and porn actors. They will always tell you that it isn’t real. I know it’s hot. I know the BDSm stories we read online are super fucking hot. The stories on line are make believe (even when the author say’s that they’re real), and the sex workers in porn are actors, who are professionals, who have – on the set they’re working on (provided it’s not a fly by night set): riggers, medics, photographers, coordinators, etc.
I’ve seen a disturbing trend where new folks on the scene, usually young folks (e.g., 19 year olds) but also sometimes some older folks who are new to the scene put in their profiles that they have “No limits!! Do what you want to me!!” Stop. It.
Everyone (and I mean absolutely everyone) should, and does have limits…and if you don’t, you’re a walking danger to yourself and the BDSM community. No limits means “yeah I don’t mind if I lose a limb!” or “no I don’t mind if you kill me!” or “it’s okay if it literally gets so intense that it causes me post-traumatic stress disorder, keep going!“
You absolutely need to know, and define your limits. Also, it’s okay if your limits change over time (you are allowed to grow and change over time too, and in fact I hope you do).
So what does R.A.C.K. mean (to me)? It means that when my dicklet started bleeding in an intense ball busting scene when my SIR kicked in juuuuuuust the right place, that I wasn’t angry at my SIR, at all. I knew that it was one of the Risks involved with an intense ball busting, and it was a risk I accepted going in. It also meant that I was Aware the entire time. This means I wasn’t under the influence of drugs, hypnotics, sedatives, or pain killers (because they can make you think you can take more than you can, and they can block out the really important signals from your body that tell you that you really can’t): I was fully Aware of myself, my body, my body’s signals, and my surroundings. It was also consensual which meant that my SIR and I were involved in the act without pressure or coercion on either side. SIR didn’t guilt me to keep me in the scene and to keep the scene going. SIR didn’t threaten to not see me any more if I had to use a safe word. SIR didn’t push me past my limits. In the other direction, I didn’t try and TOP from the bottom, I didn’t pressure HIM to keep going. I didn’t make my SIR do something HE’S uncomfortable with, or try and coerce HIM into doing something using guilt or threats. And it was Kinky as all fuck.
Because I practice R.A.C.K. I had a first aid kit on hand with enough supplies to match whatever it was I planned on doing in the scene (with a few supplies thrown in for the unplanned as well: you never know where the night will take you). After I stopped the bleeding, SIR provided me with Aftercare and cuddles (because those are needed when a sub gets injured) and then, SIR gently brought me out of subspace, gently, and back to reality/earth. I then went to my local urgent care, explained what happened, got antibiotics and took it easy for a few days.
submissives, bottoms, bitch boys, faggots, slaves, etc. are, at the end of the day, humans. Whether 24/7 in the BDSM lifestyle or a weekender, we fill a role for our Sirs (as our Sirs/Doms/Alphas/Bullies do for us). What makes a scene hot, in the end, is the connection between SIR and sub. That connection can only really happen with R.A.C.K. in mind, because that creates a feeling of safety.
Besides, if a Sir/Dom/Alpha/Bully goes as hard as possible right out the gate, and a sub then has to safe-word out five minutes into the session and end the scene, that’s fun for no one. Using R.A.C.K. and having codewords and hand symbols is incredibly important (this is only the first on what will be many posts on safety). Please – unless you’re a professional sex worker in a professional studio, make sure that you’re R.A.C.K. oriented before you play.